Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
