when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
