and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
