do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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