just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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