So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
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I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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