She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
