So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
