I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize