I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
