my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
