Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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