dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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