You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The uberlube is also flammable
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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