we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
