ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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