I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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