Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
