just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
