i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
