We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
