Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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