Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
