just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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