we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
