my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
