Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
His hands were made for my vagina.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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