Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
