Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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