Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
