they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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