Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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