You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
