I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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