Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
