Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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