Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
