Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
