So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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