Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
