You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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