2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
