My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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