Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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