So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
