Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
