This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
