the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
