are you still at the devil's house?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
