How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
