I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
