I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
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If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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