On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
