so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
