my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
