i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
