life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
