oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
