You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
