I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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