i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
