He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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