It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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