Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
