new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
