She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
