My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
