Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
