I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
