is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
