I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
