do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you inspire me to be a worse person
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
