in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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